When I was younger, I thought there was a year of “adulthood” where life would be perfect. Where everything would fit in its place and nothing would be wrong. All I would have to worry about in college is just assignments and papers. I wouldn’t have to consider relationships and friendships, because everything would work out organically. I thought there would be an age where I would feel like I’m the best I’m gonna be. “No more self-improvement needed”, now drink all the chocolate milk you please.
Well, that was a lie.
In 2016, there is an underlying goal of displaying an ideal life. Almost every post, picture, & filter show off how immaculate and blemish free someone is, while simultaneously striving for as many “likes” as possible. For girls and women especially, it is movement that emphasizes their beauty, Outfit of the day, and #goals. Well as a woman, I do not feel strong most days. I do not feel confident as often as I’d like to.
But because we live in the age of statuses and filters displaying how flawless we are, you would never know. Why would a woman open up a dialogue for all to see that something is tough? Why wouldn’t I just post about how I can fight any storm and make it on the other side with impeccably contoured cheekbones?
TBH: I can confidently say that 2015 was the hardest year of my life. It taught me the most about character, intentions, and relationships. It brought new insecurities and doubts. It held heartbreak, self-pity, and Taylor Swift became my straight-up homegirl y’all. I became someone obsessed with things I had no control over and was totally neglectful of my priorities. I was a worship leader with no intention to worship God and longer had any care for myself or existing relationships.
Last year wasn’t something I even tried to enjoy in the slightest. Honestly, this time last year I was most likely crying. My time consisted of redoing my bedroom, joining a gym, and coming up with numerous ways to stay distracted. I was sad and had no intention of not being so. I kept quiet about my disappointments and loneliness, and decided saying I was “fine” was always the best answer. My 2015 was painful, long, and simply wasteful.
The thing is, 2015 is long over, and I can’t change it. I can’t change a lot of things. But, 2016 is rad y’all! It is blessed and so am I. I am 22 and I resolve to drink more water and not stress about what I have no control over. I will see through my plan to always drink too much coffee and let go of mistakes that I feel define who I am. I will continue to stay positive daily, always see the best in people, and pay a compliment when it’s due. To enjoy my family and friends, pajama sets, and laughing as loudly as the atmosphere will allow.
TBH: I’m daily striving for that self-improvement I thought I’d have way before now. I sometimes really want to display a together life.
Media constantly displays women with the highest level of confidence and without fault, but I’m acknowledging the mess. I don’t always feel confident in me, but resolve to not act on my feelings. To not dwell on my inability to accomplish it all and simply try my best anyway.
So, here’s to the those that don’t feel brave. To those that are overwhelmed and that may be living their painful, long, simply wasteful year right now. You don’t have to have it all together. You’re allowed to be a mess. You were created to be someone who makes mistakes and more importantly, to be forgiven by a God that really likes your mess. So don’t fear vulnerability while attempting to exude false perfection. Welcome the fact that despite whatever season you’re in, God longs to embrace the flawed and broken. Also, don’t forget to drink some chocolate milk today.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
